Evidently, I need to make sure there is a good space of time between when I administer my night time pain killer/muscle relaxer and melatonin. If I’m being honest, I probably do NOT need the Melatonin as the pain killer/ muscle relaxer combo do knock me out pretty consistently. But there have been a few times where they didn’t and I was wide awake staring at the ceiling worrying about the problem of the day.
It starts out as innocently as thinking about some problem I’m trying to solve at work. Whether it be a problem in the code or figuring out which way to write something to do a specific something. I sit there and write it in my head or go through it line by line in my head trying to find the problem. Is that the answer? What if it doesn’t work? Will I have time to dream up a different way to do this or research it and then write it and then get it to QA in time for it to be tested before the demo. And what if I don’t have enough time? I’ll probably get fired. And this is not a great time to get fired (as if there’s a GOOD time to get fired). And what if there aren’t any jobs out there or what if I have to take a pay cut? What would that mean for the plans B and I have for ourselves? B desperately needs a vacation and I would really like to lose some weight before we go on vacation. And why can’t I lose weight? What if I have some kind of auto immune disea…
See? Rabbit hole. I would not be my fathers daughter if I didn’t worry.
(Hi Daddy! Love you! Thanks by the way, this trait is a REAL GEM!)
I take any and all precautions to make sure I avoid the worry rabbit hole at all possible costs. In this case, Melatonin is more of an insurance policy than a necessity. You would too if you were me.
One night I somehow screwed up the timing of my pills and I ended up having to take it all at once. I shrugged my shoulders and popped the pills. What could possibly go wrong?
May I present to you, THENIGHTMARETHATIWILLREMEBERVIVIDLYFOREVER!!!
Dun. Dun. Dunnnnnnnnnn!
(Or a few weeks later. Whatever, same thing.)
( Totally meant to post this when it happened, but… look, I’m a LAZYASAURUS. Deal with it.)
The scene opens with some guy and I walking on a sidewalk in a metropolisy downtownish kind of area. The guy had no face, but he felt like B to me. This metropolisy downtownish area reminded me a lot of San Francisco, hilly and gorgeous. I might have also been tipped off to the location by seeing the Golden Gate Bridge off in the distance. The mind, she’s so clever.
(Also, B was in San Francisco at the time for two straight weeks so I doubt that was a coincidence.)
Anyway, so we’re walking along and B comments on how empty the streets were, to which I responded “ooooooh! I wonder if the circus is in tow….”
And this is riiiiight about the time that a Semi Truck is flying upside down in the air riding above cars that are traveling on an onramp to a highway that just appeared out of nowhere.
Just like the movies, everything goes in to slow motion and as we both turn away from the truck hurtling towards us, we shout “oooohhhhhh shhhhiiiiiitttttttttttttt” and start sprinting in the other direction. We are quite the speedy runners in this sequence. Shrapnel and a Semi truck chasing us, we run towards some kind of store that has no door, the whole front part of the store is just an open space. We keep running as the wave of shrapnel and truck nears us we head towards a desk-like object and fall to the floor screaming and bracing for impact.
You ever find yourself in a dream where you can feel (and see!) yourself trying to scream, but can’t get out anything more than a loud moan but you keep trying because dammit!!! You need to scream!!!!
I woke up mid-moan in a panic, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. I look to my back left where the window is on my side of the bed and the window is blurry and the light outside appears to be flickering like there are cop cars and fire trucks in my backyard. My stomach drops, my throat closes up and I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my neck.
HOLY SHIT!!! WAS THAT REAL!!!??? WHATS HAPPENING!?!?!?
I keep blinking my eyes, willing the blurryness to clear and the lights to stop flickering. I consciously try to slow my breathing and notice that the sheets I am laying on are soaked in sweat. I sit up for a second.
LAY BACK DOWN TRISH!!! THEY WILL SEE YOU!!!
(I don’t know)
I lay back down and the sheets seem almost frozen from being exposed to the cool air from the ceiling fan. I start to shiver and I pull the blankets up to my ears.
Eyes wide opened, I watch the dark silence. Shadows and creepy things crawling in and out of the darkness, shutting my eyes tight each time waiting for them to go away only to have them appear as a new shape/creature with each time.
My mind and I play that game for far too long, if you ask me. Eventually, everything crawled back into the darkness and I fell asleep because the next thing I remember is my alarm going off.
Not cool, brain. Not cool.
I can count on one hand that’s missing four fingers the number of times I’ve taken melatonin since that night.
I can’t imagine why.