Gettin' So Fly...Like A G6

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May 7

This is my brain on drugs.

Evidently, I need to make sure there is a good space of time between when I administer my night time pain killer/muscle relaxer and melatonin. If I’m being honest, I probably do NOT need the Melatonin as the pain killer/ muscle relaxer combo do knock me out pretty consistently. But there have been a few times where they didn’t and I was wide awake staring at the ceiling worrying about the problem of the day.

It starts out as innocently as thinking about some problem I’m trying to solve at work. Whether it be a problem in the code or figuring out which way to write something to do a specific something. I sit there and write it in my head or go through it line by line in my head trying to find the problem. Is that the answer? What if it doesn’t work? Will I have time to dream up a different way to do this or research it and then write it and then get it to QA in time for it to be tested before the demo. And what if I don’t have enough time? I’ll probably get fired. And this is not a great time to get fired (as if there’s a GOOD time to get fired). And what if there aren’t any jobs out there or what if I have to take a pay cut? What would that mean for the plans B and I have for ourselves? B desperately needs a vacation and I would really like to lose some weight before we go on vacation. And why can’t I lose weight? What if I have some kind of auto immune disea…

See? Rabbit hole. I would not be my fathers daughter if I didn’t worry.

(Hi Daddy! Love you! Thanks by the way, this trait is a REAL GEM!)

I take any and all precautions to make sure I avoid the worry rabbit hole at all possible costs. In this case, Melatonin is more of an insurance policy than a necessity. You would too if you were me.

One night I somehow screwed up the timing of my pills and I ended up having to take it all at once. I shrugged my shoulders and popped the pills. What could possibly go wrong?

May I present to you, THENIGHTMARETHATIWILLREMEBERVIVIDLYFOREVER!!!

Dun. Dun. Dunnnnnnnnnn!

(Or a few weeks later. Whatever, same thing.)

( Totally meant to post this when it happened, but… look, I’m a LAZYASAURUS. Deal with it.)

The scene opens with some guy and I walking on a sidewalk in a metropolisy downtownish kind of area. The guy had no face, but he felt like B to me. This metropolisy downtownish area reminded me a lot of San Francisco, hilly and gorgeous. I might have also been tipped off to the location by seeing the Golden Gate Bridge off in the distance. The mind, she’s so clever.

(Also, B was in San Francisco at the time for two straight weeks so I doubt that was a coincidence.)

Anyway, so we’re walking along and B comments on how empty the streets were, to which I responded “ooooooh! I wonder if the circus is in tow….”

And this is riiiiight about the time that a Semi Truck is flying upside down in the air riding above cars that are traveling on an onramp to a highway that just appeared out of nowhere.

Just like the movies, everything goes in to slow motion and as we both turn away from the truck hurtling towards us, we shout “oooohhhhhh shhhhiiiiiitttttttttttttt” and start sprinting in the other direction. We are quite the speedy runners in this sequence. Shrapnel and a Semi truck chasing us, we run towards some kind of store that has no door, the whole front part of the store is just an open space. We keep running as the wave of shrapnel and truck nears us we head towards a desk-like object and fall to the floor screaming and bracing for impact.

You ever find yourself in a dream where you can feel (and see!) yourself trying to scream, but can’t get out anything more than a loud moan but you keep trying because dammit!!! You need to scream!!!!

I woke up mid-moan in a panic, breathing heavily and covered in sweat. I look to my back left where the window is on my side of the bed and the window is blurry and the light outside appears to be flickering like there are cop cars and fire trucks in my backyard. My stomach drops, my throat closes up and I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my neck.

HOLY SHIT!!! WAS THAT REAL!!!??? WHATS HAPPENING!?!?!?

I keep blinking my eyes, willing the blurryness to clear and the lights to stop flickering. I consciously try to slow my breathing and notice that the sheets I am laying on are soaked in sweat. I sit up for a second.

LAY BACK DOWN TRISH!!! THEY WILL SEE YOU!!!

(I don’t know)

I lay back down and the sheets seem almost frozen from being exposed to the cool air from the ceiling fan. I start to shiver and I pull the blankets up to my ears.

Eyes wide opened, I watch the dark silence. Shadows and creepy things crawling in and out of the darkness, shutting my eyes tight each time waiting for them to go away only to have them appear as a new shape/creature with each time.

My mind and I play that game for far too long, if you ask me. Eventually, everything crawled back into the darkness and I fell asleep because the next thing I remember is my alarm going off.

Not cool, brain. Not cool.

I can count on one hand that’s missing four fingers the number of times I’ve taken melatonin since that night.

I can’t imagine why.

Apr 5

Toilet talk

Confession: I have some irrational fears about toilets.

Some are fueled by those stories that used to get forwarded by all the people in the land that ALL ended up not being true. Some are just my looney tunes brain at work:

Every morning when I go to the tinkle room at work, I flush before I sit. I flush because the toilet water in there is always blue. It’s blue because the cleaning people cleaned the bathroom the night before. Or maybe they just poured some blue shit in the toilet bowls, giving us all the impression that things are sparkly and clean. I mean it could happen right? How would we know for certain? Anyway, the reason I do this is because I do not, under any circumstances want whatever that blue chemical stuff is to splash up into my lady parts. Now, again, I’m making assumptions that it IS in fact blue colored chemicals and not part of some rouse to make everyone think things are shiney and new. It could Kool-Aid for all i know. (ohhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhh!)

When I have to uhm… sit for an extended period of time, I worry about spiders chillin underneath the lid just waiting for a nice bare ass to appear with which it can sink its …………. WHAT. THAT’S PLAUSIBLE! IT IS!

Related: I worry about snakes coming up the pipe. Snakes that can breathe in water. It could happen.

I worry about the lack of toilet paper and being in an empty building/house. Thats a real thing. And has happened more times than I would care to admit. You’d think I’d learn to check before getting into a helpless situation like that. Also, what in the world did we do before the invention of paper? Leaves? Yowch.

When B and I still lived in NoVA, we had this tiny bathroom—just enough room for a sink, a toilet and a standup shower. I would sit on the closed toilet while i blow dried my hair. At least once every time, the top would slip a little and scare the crap out of me. Full on reaching out to grab the air so I didnt fall kind of scared. I hated it and would try to sit gingerly. I could have easily avoided this whole situation by standing while i blow dried my hair, but who needs reason and logic? Not me

LISTEN. Did I not preface this with saying that my brain was “looney-tunes” See? I warned you.

Apr 4

A list.

Things about me:

  1. I do not know how to ride a bicycle. Well, that’s not true, I did learn. My Bubba taught me. But when it was time to take my first unassisted ride down a hill, a car appeared on the street and i…………… flipped out and fell mouth first into a curb. So yeah. I dont own or have the inclination to ever get anywhere near a bike, unless its stationary.

  2. I am a crier. If I have an extreme emotion, whether it be Anger or Happiness, I cry. I’ve been this way since birth. It’s way professional in a work setting, let me tell you. I kind of hate that about myself but I would rather wear my emotions on my sleeve than be a emotionless robot.

  3. When I was in middle school, I got realllllllllllllly sick and no one could figure out what I had. The nurses at one point told my mother I was making it up and she went back and forth on whether she believed them or me. I had high fevers, I fainted a lot. My gums got super swollen and I couldnt eat. I would try to go to school, but then I would faint in class and have to be sent home. I remember her being angry with me, no doubt frustrated with the situation and the fact that she, nor anyone else, could help me even if i was obviously very sick. I found out during a physical a couple years back that I had the antibodies for Mono, which meant at some point in the past, I had Mono. I’m almost positive thats what I had that no one could figure out. Way to go, docs. Stellar work. Somehow from all of that I got this complex that people dont believe me when I am sick. To this day, this complex haunts me. I know its all in my head and yet the first thing I do immediately upon getting sick is start to worry about whether people believe me or not. I wish I could rid myself of that.

  4. I have small feet. People like to make jokes, asking how I am able to stand and not fall over or ask what size I wear and whether i get my shoes from the childrens section. All of these things, while VERY CREATIVE and NOT AT ALL SOMETHING IVE HEARD BEFORE, dont bother me in the least. I like having small feet and hands. And I like being short. Makes me feel like a dainty female. So there. :P

  5. I am simultaneously deathly afraid of having children and extremely excited to have children. I think a lot of it has to do with the actual act of labor to bring the child from inside my body to the world. The tearing and the……… lets just not talk about it. I wonder how it will change B and I’s life. I worry about not being able to have children due to some physical defect I am not aware of yet. Sometimes I wonder if I want children at all. And then I see a smiling cackling baby and realize that, yes, absolutely. I want children. Do not ask me when I’m going to have kids. When I am pregnant is when i will be having kids.

  6. There are several words in the english language that make my skin crawl. Chief among them: Preggers, Preggo, Yummo, and the phrase “It is what it is” Hate. Hiss. I do not know why but I will tell you if you call me preggo or ask if im preggers I will likely punch you in the face (maybe just in my head but it will happen in some fashion). There are other words that i feel weird saying. “Panties” is one of them, and I………. I have no idea why. I do not like the C word. I wont say it and you cant make me. Also the T word, which is synonym for the C word. You’re just gonna have to use your brain on that one because Im not going to say or type them out.

  7. I am neurotic about gas levels in my car. Whether or not I locked doors to both my car and house, especially when B is out of town. I used to be neurotic about sounds the house makes late at night but now that I use ear plugs so that I can sleep next to my husband who honk/moans while he sleeps and we have four cats. And ive gotten so used to wearing the ear plugs that I wear them even when he isnt home. So i either dont hear the sounds or I blame it on the cats. Much easier to fall asleep in an empty house that way.

  8. When I was a kid, I used to believe that if I was completely covered by a blanket that no monster could get to me. My blanket was somehow a force field that a monster could not penetrate. So I woke up sweaty a lot. I also learned that if i stick my feet out, my body stays cooler. And to get around the force field issue, I decided if my feet were sticking out but the blanket was wrapped around my ankles and my feet were ON the blanket, then that still counted as safe. To this day I have to be completely covered by a blanket, sheet only is not acceptable. I no longer worry about monsters but do sometimes think about some guy breaking in to the house and coming upstairs and killing us in our bed. But since I have the blanket on, he wont see me. WHAT?

  9. I am 35, and I am still in possession of mostly every stuffed animal I have ever been given in my whole life. And I can tell you exactly how I received each and every one. I don’t know that I will ever be able to get rid of them. It would be like throwing away my childhood.

  10. I cant end this on an odd number. This list needs to be 10 full items but i cant think of anything. So Im cheating. Sue me.

Apr 3

This space intentionally left blank

I don’t really know how to begin this post since I’ve neglected this blog for a really long time. How are you? Me? Well to recap quickly…weightloss is at a standstill, shocker. Ankle is mostly fine, I still need to wear my night braces because my Achilles’ tendons tighten up rather quickly, so this wearing of night braces will be something I have to do forever. Which is ok, I guess, I mean it’s better than not having a solution. However, I have not been wearing my night braces because I am now suffering from yet another injury.

No shit, right? Ridiculous.

So a couple of weeks before thanksgiving last year, I went grocery shopping with B at the new Publix not far from our house—by the way, everyone who told me that store was fantastic are absolutely right. When I was attempting to bend over/crouch down (whatever that motion is, I have yet to figure out how to accurately describe it) I got this sharp searing pain somewhere in my lower back.

And, I’ve been in pain ever since.

Initially, I went to my family doctor and he diagnosed me with a simple pulled muscle and prescribed quite the cocktail of drugs (Naproxen (anti-inflammatory/prescription grade Aleve) Percocet/oxycodone (pain killer) prednisone (oral steroid) and flexeril (muscle relaxer)). He gave me enough to get me through the next week and a half. I was very concerned about this pain, because a: it seemed to get worse as each day went by, b: we were driving to Louisiana for thanksgiving.

Long ass road trip. Yup, that’s exactly what you should do right after you injure your back.

On said road trip, the pain changed from excruciating to uh…just plain miserable. My doctor has this online portal for patients wherein we can send him emails and he emails back. i must say i much prefer this over leaving a note with the nurse and hope they return your call with an answer from the doc at some point in the near future. anyway, so i emailed him and told him my new/worse symptoms. he replied within the hour saying that my symptoms point to a herniated disc. I stayed drugged the entire trip. I was an awful guest and didn’t raise a finger to help, I honestly couldn’t sit or stand for any amount of time. Laying down was the most comfortable, and you can’t do that in any of the common areas of a house when it’s packed with people. I took up residence on B’s cousins recliner and when I wasn’t there, I was in bed. His family were absolutely wonderful to me and refused to accept any help and hardly let me move a muscle.

Upon returning, I went back to my family doc and he gave me more meds and told me that I needed an MRI. It was the last month of my insurance before we did renewals at work and I knew that I was nowhere near my deductible. Knowing that money was tight this month (hello Christmas!) and that the MRI would cost me upwards of $800. I decided that I needed an alternative solution until the first of the year where I could sign up for FSA, because $80 out of my paycheck every two weeks was a lot easier to deal with than a huge lump sum all at once. So he sent me to a spine pain specialist.

Guess what spine pain specialist wanted immediately? An MRI! I mean, I get it, you need to see what the actual thing is that’s causing the pain rather than play darts blindfolded. But I needed to delay it til the first of the year. He, rightly so, refused to do any injections until I had the test, so I would just go see him every two weeks and get more drugs. This is also the time I started to go to Physical Therapy. Every time I went to PT, the next morning I felt like I had been run over by a truck. And we didn’t do anything really! He had me try to do all kinds of different exercises, but I was just in so much pain, I couldn’t really do any of it, but the trying hurt like a you know what. I cried for a whole hour while he danced around me trying to figure out what to do with me.

Finally when Jan.1 rolled around, I asked the pain doc to write me up for an MRI and lets get this damn show on the road.

On jan.4, I met my $1000 deductible. The MRI was $1005.09 out of pocket.

Hooray Healthcare Insurance!

My MRI came back clean, I had no signs of any kind of degeneration, and no bulging/slipped/herniated discs. So that’s awesome! And would also explain why I spent hours that weekend looking at the results trying to compare them to google image search results. What?

But then so what the F is this pain? Once the disc stuff was ruled out, he decided it was Piriformis Syndrome. Which is a muscle that’s next to the gluteus Maximus that gets inflamed and knots up. This muscle happens to surround. The sciatic nerve, so that would explain the lightning show in my right leg. So, to treat said issue, he did an x-ray assisted injection into …. Somewhere that I do t recall right now. All I know is that shiz didn’t work. So I went back. This time he did 4 trigger point injections into my piriformis muscle, and that seemed to make the muscle calm the hell down for a day or two. And then I became unable to walk without excruciating pain. I was literally walking in slow motion. It was the fastest I could walk without causing more pain.

Have you ever tried walking in slow motion? It is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done and takes you forever to get anywhere. I called in sick the Friday after the trigger points and stayed in bed most of the weekend. I did have to go out to get my haircut because stupid me, I was hoping the walking thing would be temporary. I called in sick on Monday because nothing improved. Tuesday I forced myself to go in and I basically cried the whole time I was there. I ended up having to go ask my boss if I could work half days for the rest of the week as I was in a serious amount of pain. I guess the hyperventilating crying and trembling I was doing made it plainly obvious that I was in a bad place because he suggested that I do those half days from home…starting right then. And thank god for that. I thanked him profusely in between sniffles and gathered my things and walked to my car.

After what seemed like a dang half hour, I got to my car. And then I sat there and cried for a full five minutes because the trio from my desk to my car was insufferable.

….is anybody still reading?

Sorry! Ok ok ok anyway so TL;DR, I have Sacroilliac Jount dysfunction and probably also Piriformis syndrome.

Pain doc has done two injections directly into the joint that have given me temporary relief but it always comes roaring back. I stopped PT two weeks ago when the doc decided that it was time for the surgery. He had to do two nerve blocks once a week for two consecutive weeks on me to prove the surgery would work, some kind of insurance requirement to prove the surgery was medically necessary.

Spoiler alert: it is.

I’m scheduled for Radio Frequency Ablation surgery this coming Tuesday. They will be going in via needles and lasers to kill the four nerves that run across the joint that detect pain. This surgery will not fix anything, but what it will do is give me the ability to not be in horrible pain all of the time and go to Physical Therapy so that I can work on the things that I am doing wrong that caused this issue.

The recovery time is two weeks, my doc says, could be more could be less, and I will be in worse pain than I am in now, temporarily. Evidently the procedure itself causes some serious inflammation. He told me on my last visit that he will be prescribing ADDITIONAL drugs for me to take for several weeks post-surgery.

ADDITIONAL. in addition to the FOUR oxy and muscle relaxers I’m taking now! And, I dunno, something about that scares the living hell out of me. But knowing it will be temporary makes me feel better. These next two weeks are not going to be fun, but the end is (hopefully) in sight and I can stop being drugged 24/7, stop forcing myself to got to work and pretend everything is a-ok that I can still perform my job and I’m not completely distracted by the pain and therefore can’t concentrate like at all. It will end the feeling that I am miserable and pathetic and slowly losing my mind.

I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I really do feel like I’m slowly going insane.

My level of patience is non-existent and I explode over nothing. My poor dear husband has been on the receiving end of every single one of those explosions. I apologize immediately after, but I have no control over the explosion itself. I have asked him to pretend its not me, that I’ve been replaced with some angry whiney monster since that is exactly what I am right now. He is a wonderful soul and I love him with every part of my being. I am so glad this will be over soon. I would hate myself forever if this ruined our marriage. And no, it’s not at all to that point yet, I’m just saying.

I now get why people with chronic pain are such grumbly/mean people. It changes your whole personality. It makes you feel insane. It makes you angry. it makes you feel disgusted with yourself with regard to how whiney, miserable, and pathetic you feel. The amount of mental strength strength it takes to be a functional person is unreal and i would very much like this to be over. Immediately.

Oct 7

Discouraged

You guys, the scale won’t budge! *whines* I dropped 2lbs. after day 1 and that’s where I’ve stayed. Just chillin’ in fatville, no big deal.

I realize this is only day 7, but we’re MOVING now, being ACTIVE-ish. Shouldn’t the fat be like “peace out bro!”

WELL WHY NOT! Dammit!

Oct 4

Hair brained ideas

It’s been a while now since we placed our order and started NutriSystem. Each shipment day, I sit and work and wonder if our neighbors see these weird foam boxes at our doorstep with the the green leaf logo on the side—which is obviously hobo code for “Fat people live here”

Nutrisystem has been hard for us — for me. I have this mental block about the food and I am not exactly sure why. Some of my favorite things in the world come out of a box or can so I am not sure why this stuff that also comes out of a box or can is something I have to talk myself into eating. Spaghettios with Meatballs is canned, not refrigerated. AND I LOVE ME SOME SPAGHETTIOS. So why do I have a problem with something that is packaged similarly, making bitter beer face with each bite I take? I have no idea, but I do.

Thankfully, there are things that I love, and with each shipment I tweak my order to include these things. Up until this past week we were having problems eating this stuff for each meal each and every day of the week, so we’ve ended up with quite the collection of nutrisystem food. We’re good for breakfast and lunch and snacks, but dinner is difficult. and, you know, we’re weak.

Obviously, this means we weren’t being very successful as we werent being very persistent and consistent, so, to combat this we decided to delay our shipment for a few weeks to force us to eat this food that we already have. And So far, we are doing pretty well.

While on a roadtrip to Northern virginia to attend a Hokie game with some friends of ours, I was perusing Pinterest. I happened upon some photos of before and after pics of people who did Jillian Michael’s 30-day shred for 30 days. I was motivated and excited to get the same results. Dude! We could totally do this! Let’s do this!

So guess what we’re doing in addition to Nutrisystem?

Yup, I’m crazy.

So far, we’re doing pretty good. Nutrisystem for all our meals and 30-day shred everyday. Granted, it’s day 4, but it is indeed a step in the right direction.

I do not know what flipped the switch, but we are suddenly awful determined.

Everyone hold their breath til I report back, kk?

Aug 3

Adult Swim

B and I went to our neighborhood pool this weekend for the first time ever. I mean, we’ve only been there 4 years.

Speaking of that, B and I have this standing argument about how long we’ve been in Charlotte and in our sweet lovely house. I say 5, B says 4— sure, we could look up a document or two to find out for sure but its more fun to “NUHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” all day about it.

We went again last night after I got home from work. It was magnificent. And after we got home, B did the dishes while I made dinner. AND we still had time to sit and drool on ourselves while we watched TV. Who knew you could be active and still get in some laziness?

We went to the pool around 5:30ish and it was empty. Not a single soul IN the pool. Two lifeguards talking to two ladies and a picnic table with a couple of kids and a couple more ladies. Apparently it was dinnertime at the pool? We immediately throw our stuff down and jump in the pool reveling in the fact that WE ARE MIGHTY GENIUSES! THE POOL IS EMPTY! WE SHOULD DO THIS ALL THE TIME! YAY!

So we are swimming around, tossing this koosh ball thing back and forth, you know … generally pool play. After a while two kids get in the pool over on the kiddie side. We’re all gleefully enjoying the pool. And then the lifeguard—who is well into her 40s—blows her whistle and says “ADULT SWIM!” then looks over at us and says “YOU KIDDIES GET OUT OF THE POOL!! ITS ADULT SWIM!”

I…. wha?!?!

Me: “She doesnt mean us right? We’re adults!”

(that i had to say “we’re adults!” really amuses me)

B: “no, she was kidding!”

We’re watching the lifeguards, and they start putting umbrellas down, they turned of the fountain area of the kiddie side..

Me: “uhhh… does “Adult Swim” mean “we’re closing?” can we still swim?”

Hi. am newb.

B: “i uh… i dont know”

Occassionally, we get this death stare from the lifeguard, so we decide to get out.

At this point I really want to go over and ask the lifeguard, “Why did you say Adult swim if you’re closing. Im 34 and he’s 35. We’re adults!”

What?

Still, as we walked towards the door, I kept telling B “I wanna go tell her we’re adults!”

B:” What? No. She was kidding!”

Me: “i dont get whats funny tho, it’d be funny if we were 80 or something”

B: “Maybe it was cuz we were throwing the ball around, acting like kids?”

Me: “Ima go tell he…”

B: “No… come on”

And then we left. It’s still making my teeth itch. I dont get the joke. Or did she really think we were children? Come ON we dont look that young. sheesh.

Or maybe we do? * strut *

I mean, we do get carded pretty often when buying adult beverages, so… hmmm.

I’m not exactly sure why it’s bothering me so much. Maybe it’s because I don’t get it? Or maybe its cuz IM AN ADULT * stomp * (oh wait…)

Not completely related, but this reminds me of the time when I was arguing with my parents about something while we were driving to dinner in the car. I was 29 at the time I believe, and I shouted “MOM IM 22 NOW I THINK I CAN……… did i just say im 22?!?!”

Maybe it is all in the mind. Im young in my brain, therefore, I appear young? Or maybe, lifeguard lady is a bad comedian.

Scared Shitless.

(I wrote this weeks ago, but forgot to hit publish. Ha! OOPS!)

I went back to my beloved Zumba last night after months of being stuck in a boot, after months before that of limping in pain with every step I took, after first discovering Zumba just over a year ago (!!!) and falling so so deeply in love. So much so that I continued to Zumba long after I had injured myself because it ruled that hard.

All day long yesterday, I kept talking myself out of and back in to going.It had nothing to do with not wanting to work out. I was scared so so so SO scared of getting re-injured.

For the most part I’ve healed, but I was told that I would not be completely fixed until I have surgery. After a lifetime of spraining ankles due to genetics and deficiencies in the strength of my legs from the calves down, I’ve worn down the tendons. They are stretched out and thin and fraying. I also have very very very tight Achilles tendons in both feet. So much so that my heels dont actually touch the floor when i walk. All of my weight is on the balls and top sides of my feet, so my feet naturally roll out when I walk. I also have super fantastic balance because of this. You try walking around with all your weight on the balls of your feet and let me know how many times you lose your balance just standing there.

(Nothing is more embarrassing than standing up from a seated position and losing your balance. No, I’m not drunk! Really!)

So when I am doing something like Zumba, that has a lot of lateral movements—because of how my feet are—I am basically spraining my ankle over and over again.

Sounds fun, right?

I was in a boot for something like 5 months. I have night splints that I wear at night to stretch my Achilles tendons out. I can totally tell the difference with those splints, the improvements they are making in my feet. Especially in the shower, for whatever reason, I notice it the most. I feel more of the floor with my whole foot than i used to. I dont lose my balance and have to reach out for the shower wall to catch myself anymore when I’m washing my hair. Win!

Anyway, so yeah. I’ve got a lot against me when it comes to Zumba. But, you guys, I freaking LOVE the Zumba. There’s nothing better than spending an hour shaking your ass to very very loud music in a dark room, trying to learn a couple of dances and at the end you’re a sweaty mess and have burned like FIVE HUNDRED calories.

I’ll take that over any other exercise any day of the week.

Jun 4

Invasion of the sales people

Stopped by Bath and Body works to get a new fragrance for the summer after work, wherein i was greeted by three different people and then followed around by a salesperson who realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly wanted to help me:

She walks up to me and breaks the personal space barrierâ„¢

Her: Hi! How are you?

She’s really close to me and smiling, giving me this feeling that I should maybe know her or something. So close that it feels like she is about to hug me (?!?)

I step back a little…

Me: Hi, I..uh.. Im good, thank you just looking …

I’m in the fragrance area, so she makes an assumption (that is correct)…

Her: what are you looking for? do you like florals or musks or sweet smells? This one is really popular!

Me: I… hmmm sniffs I’ll just look around and sniff stuff, than..

Her: Do you like it?

Me: well yes bu…

Her: and oooooooo you have to smell this one! What do you think?

Me: I..sniff its o…

Her: I like this one!

Me: Ok, thanks I’ll just look around, thank yo…

Her: What do you think?

Me: Well I dont really li…

Her: What about this one? what do you think?

Another Employee walks up, I think “oh god, thank god, she’s going to take her away from me”

Another Employee: HI! Can I help you find something?

COME ON!

This is a joke, right? I’m being punked?

Me: Um, no im ok, thank y…

Her: Yeah, im helping her find a fragrance, she doesnt like musks and she’s smell…

* grab a bottle I think I like but not entirely sure, I just want to go NOW KTHXBYE *

Me: OK im gonna get this one thanks so much!

Her: Oh but did you try…

Me: yeah, this one is good, thank you! walks QUICKLY to register

HOLY SHIT LADY.

Lady at the register: Did you find everything you needed? We have some sal..

* Looks around for hidden cameras *

Me: Yes, just this, thank you.

Quickly making my way out the door

ANOTHER sales person: Thanks for coming in! Have a good night!

At this point Im walking so fast, Im jogging.

I would check my bag to see if I even got the right fragrance, but I currently have an irrational fear that a salesperson is going to walk up to me. In my own house.

Lesson of the day: If you’re the only customer in the store. LEAVE. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

Clothes Horse

Worked on the closet for about an hour and a half last night while B was on a conference call. Holy cheez-sticks do i have a lot of clothes. More than half I dont even wear, but keep because “well…man, i might need this one day when i need to ………… [insert some situation I will never ever encounter]”

B is leaving for something like 24 days this coming Saturday for this big deal training thing for work. it’s this intense course that runs from like 8am-7pm Monday - Saturday, and Sunday is for studying. There’s no point in going to visit him because he will literally have no time. So last night, I focused on getting all his clothes folded and hung so that when he went to pack, he’d have every single piece of clothing he owns available to him. Instead of the normal “have you seen such and such shirt.”

Im working on this domestication thing ok, its a work in progress. very slow progress.

I heard that.

Anyway, doing that still left me with multiple baskets full of MY clothes. This is exactly why I need my closet back, so that I have everything hung and in front of my face so I will stop thinking I have no clothes and buy more. I don’t need more. Not til I drop more weight, anyway.

Weeding through these clothes is going to be difficult, because I want to keep everything—just in case. You never know man, some zombie apocalypse could happen and the only thing to save me would be to be covered head to toe in out-dated clothing. IT COULD HAPPEN.

Also, at some point in the future we will begin trying for children. My thought is to keep my nicer “Fat clothes” so that I can wear them while pregnant.

Because I wont want at all to buy any of those adorable maternity clothes. … * raises eyebrow *

I know, stop looking at me like that.